When all doesn't go according to plan. . .

For those that know me you know how much I love to plan. Ben and I have always had a five year, 10 year, and longterm plan. It used to drive people nuts that everything in our plans always happened right on schedule. That was of course before children entered the picture. Greyson taught me a lot about letting go of control. It wasn't easy and didn't happen overnight but it happened. But I think as he got older and I was able to schedule again I forgot how thrown off a child can make things.

Many of you know that Ben and I are now expecting our second child. I am having a hard time being excited even though it's what we wanted. I am so sick I rarely make it off the couch or out of bed. I feel like a horrible mom and an even worse wife! Ben has a ton of responsibility at work and then he comes home and has to clean the house, do laundry, grocery shop, cook, and take care of Greyson. I am so blessed to have such a great guy. I am not sure why pregnancy is my trial, I watch people that go through it with flying colors and I spend my time over the toilet in the bathroom. The true low so far was last Wednesday, I couldn't keep anything down and alternated between the throwing up and lying on the bathroom floor. Greyson actually found a little hand massager and would rub my back and say "it's ok mommy". How is it that my 22 month old is taking care of the mom? Since then I've been on medication, but it only makes a little difference. I hope I make it through this and I'm trying so hard to have a positive attitude but I hate being sick and it feels like there is no end in sight.

So if you don't hear from me it's not my lack of caring, it's my inability to see past my own needs at the moment. Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon and may actually leave the house.

Due Date April 17th 2009 (forever and ever away)