My joys of the day

I observed a few things today. First I will be glad when Ben is back in town.

Second Greyson is so much like me. You wouldn't believe his imagination! It's so funny. Today we have been on lots of make believe trips. We have been lots of make believe people. He built his own hut and stashed it full of fun trinkets which I discovered while cleaning tonight. His favorite phrase is Mom. . do you know how much I love you? I could hear that all day. Today was the first day that we actually made it through the grocery store in peace. Addi was calm, and Greyson listened and stayed out of people's way. He must have known that I needed that today.

Third Addi is following suit and has started to torment Tobey the dog since she is now mobile. She and Tobey were in the living room tonight behind a baricade of pillows while I ran on the treadmill. Addi would crawl to him and reach up and grab his face. He'd give her the funniest look and turn his back to her. Sure enough she'd giggle and crawl around to tug on his ears. He'd stand up and she'd crawl to pull the hair on his paws. He's much more patient this time around and actually stayed in with her for almost 40 minutes but then I discovered why. . . . he was luring her away from the treats I had laid down for her and as soon as she was far enough away that he could reasonably assume she'd lost interest (so he knew he wouldn't get in trouble) he quickly gobbled them up and left the room. I guess he's no dummy after all. The punishment must have been worth the reward. Watching it all unfold made my run go by much faster.

As you can see today I am so happy. I've also figured out that hormones are playing into the unhappy, unsettled feeling I've had for a week. I've changed my whole eating plan the last two and a half months and it's altered the way my body responds to horomones. Realizing it today will hopefully help me avoid the crash next month.

Happy weekend everyone!

Ups and Downs

This has been a weird few months but most especially the last week has been crazy. A lot of ups and a lot of downs and they can take place in all of 10 minutes. You might even say I'm emotional (What? I know. . . who admits that)

Tonight as I rocked Addi and listened to calming instrumental music I took some time for reflection. I have got to get control and stop complaining. I have such a blessed life. I love my husband more than I ever knew was possible. I have very strong willed and very loving and sweet children. I wanted them strong so they would not get walked over in the world. I should realize it's a blessing.

I can't quite figure out what's going on with me because I am a naturally happy person and I think when I get down I tend to get a little crazed because I'm striving to get back to the person I know. And yet we will always have down days, weeks, and sometimes months so I need to figure out how to find joy in the small things. Better yet, I need to remember that I found joy in those things and make that my focus instead of all the things I'm not accomplishing, not crossing off my list, the fun I'm not having, etc.

I reminded myself tonight that during the spring summer and fall I don't mind being at home as much. The kids and I can go on a hike, to the park, to museums. A few more months and we'll be spending long hours outside where the sun and fresh air will lift our spirits and inspire more smiles and laughter then the heart can handle.

I feel at times like a horrible mother because I feel like it should be easier. Like I should be able to take it in stride. However I think I still have a lot of horomones going through my system that make me a little crazy and perhaps I just need to take a breath and relax.

Today Addi finally took a real nap; first time in 3 days; and I got a run in, a shower, Greyson and I did school all before she woke up. Already in that hour and a half I felt like a different person.

So long post but I wanted to tell you all thanks for listening to me over the past few months as I've shared with you my trials. I know they are so small compared to what so many of you shoulder daily. But I appreciate your kind words. They truly have touched me and helped me keep going. Thanks to Brenda and my Mom for listening to me daily and helping me to keep perspective.

Each day I will find joy in something and I will strive to be a better friend, wife, and mother.

Love you all,

Breezy

Wow, Where have I been?

In case you've wondered what has been going on with the Covington family please read below for a somewhat long update.

In April we had Addilyn and the adventures began. She followed suit with Greyson and had acid reflux and colic. Thankfully we were more prepared and took it in stride. We moved to a new home in July, we love the house. However the house was a foreclosure and so it took quite a bit just to catch up on all the little maintenance issues. Now we are quite happy and trying to be patient to wait and buy furniture and decorations until we've saved up more money.

Addi will only nurse and won't take a bottle, sippy cup, anything else really. It is so hard for me because I begin to feel so trapped. I haven't been away from her for more than 3 hours since she was born 9 months ago. Seems crazy to me because after a really tough pregnancy and an equally tough infant hood I really need just a day to myself or a day for Ben and I together. I know to many of you that sounds selfish but I just need the break to be able to refuel and to be the best Mom I can be. With Greyson I got to go on a trip just Ben and I when he was seven months old. With Addi I don't think I'll be able to until at least the fall.

In November Addi dropped from the 35th percentile to the 10th. She was refusing to eat any real foods and they were worried she was going into "failure to thrive". This threw another challenge/ trial in our road. I had to take her weekly to therapy to try and teach her how to eat, then I'd have to practice the methods with her at home - 4 - 1 hour feedings a day and 1/8 of a baby food bottle wouldn't even be gone. Greyson had to be out of the room when I was trying to feed her because he was too distracting. So he got ignored for half a day. After a month of trying every possible food (I didn't even care about allergies at that point) we took her in and she was at the 11th percentile. Oh and by the way the doctor said she was teething and she was in the middle of another bad cold. I began to sob. I couldn't handle another thing with her. Weren't children just supposed to start eating? They were hopeful that she had at least not dropped but they didn't even realize what it had taken just to gain that 1%, I didn't know how long this would last. The worry was that if she dropped again her brain would stop developing due to a lack of room in her head and could lead to lasting damage. Did I mention that because she was hungry she was still up 4 to 5 times a night to eat.

Anyway long story short we put Addi on a drug cocktail and she finally had all her systems working the way they were supposed to and she started eating four days before Christmas. It was my Christmas miracle. I hadn't even realized how worried and stressed I'd been until I felt the burden lift. I didn't even realize I hadn't bought Greyson (or anyone) a present for Christmas until a few days after she started eating. It just took so much focus to try and make her eat. She will still only eat adult food and won't eat anything mushed. She likes texture and will spit baby food out and stop eating if you try and sneak it in.

She still wakes up about twice a night to eat. I think she might never sleep through the night but two times still gives me so much more rest than getting up four times.

Amidst all this I have become a little down. I get angry with myself because I am so blessed and I love my children but I feel overwhelmed with lack of sleep and lack of time to refuel. ( I know those of you with more children are laughing saying "and you only have two") but I can't help it. I actually asked Ben in all seriousness if he would be willing to move back to Oregon. Even though I went through this exact same thing with Greyson I just felt very happy in Oregon and still feel like we belong there.

I decided to getaway with the family this past weekend as an attempt to have fun and find joy. I think perhaps my Father in Heaven was laughing at me because we got to Boulder and there was snow everywhere. Usually even when there is snow the slick rock is bare but not this time, there was nowhere to hike. That was the whole reason we came the 5 hour drive down. We were at our cabin which is winterized so there is no running water. We have to haul water from the stream to use the toilet and boil snow to bathe. Saturday afternoon we were playing games in front of the fireplace and just thinking we were glad we came because the children got undivided attention and it was relaxing. Spoke to soon because at 3 a.m. Sunday morning Greyson woke up throwing up (think no water) - we drove home early Sunday - Ben woke up 1 a.m. Monday morning throwing up. Now is the third day Greyson and Addi have diarrhea and I'm wondering when I'll ever know fun again.

We did manage one hike on the way home about an hour from our cabin there was sun and beautiful bare slick rock. It was the only moment of peace.

Anyway so that is what's been going on in our house. I'm trying to tread and keep my head above water until Addi starts sleeping, everyone is healthy, and I can get away. Hopefully by fall. Love you and miss you all.

Some Good news. . . . Addi is crawling and I've lost 35 lbs.

Breezy