This has been a weird few months but most especially the last week has been crazy. A lot of ups and a lot of downs and they can take place in all of 10 minutes. You might even say I'm emotional (What? I know. . . who admits that)
Tonight as I rocked Addi and listened to calming instrumental music I took some time for reflection. I have got to get control and stop complaining. I have such a blessed life. I love my husband more than I ever knew was possible. I have very strong willed and very loving and sweet children. I wanted them strong so they would not get walked over in the world. I should realize it's a blessing.
I can't quite figure out what's going on with me because I am a naturally happy person and I think when I get down I tend to get a little crazed because I'm striving to get back to the person I know. And yet we will always have down days, weeks, and sometimes months so I need to figure out how to find joy in the small things. Better yet, I need to remember that I found joy in those things and make that my focus instead of all the things I'm not accomplishing, not crossing off my list, the fun I'm not having, etc.
I reminded myself tonight that during the spring summer and fall I don't mind being at home as much. The kids and I can go on a hike, to the park, to museums. A few more months and we'll be spending long hours outside where the sun and fresh air will lift our spirits and inspire more smiles and laughter then the heart can handle.
I feel at times like a horrible mother because I feel like it should be easier. Like I should be able to take it in stride. However I think I still have a lot of horomones going through my system that make me a little crazy and perhaps I just need to take a breath and relax.
Today Addi finally took a real nap; first time in 3 days; and I got a run in, a shower, Greyson and I did school all before she woke up. Already in that hour and a half I felt like a different person.
So long post but I wanted to tell you all thanks for listening to me over the past few months as I've shared with you my trials. I know they are so small compared to what so many of you shoulder daily. But I appreciate your kind words. They truly have touched me and helped me keep going. Thanks to Brenda and my Mom for listening to me daily and helping me to keep perspective.
Each day I will find joy in something and I will strive to be a better friend, wife, and mother.
Love you all,
Breezy
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6 comments:
Oh, Breezy. I'm so sorry you've been having such a rough time and I haven't been here. I'll have to try my cell phone again tomorrow. I actually had a really rough week last week - sounds like the same as you - no reason I can really pinpoint, just hormones, etc... But misery does love company. Or at least someone to commiserate with.
Glad to hear that Addi is starting to gain weight. What an ordeal and how scary! Good thing she has such amazing parents!
I did send you a message on Facebook as well, but I should probably just email. My sister is getting married May 29th. Sealing is actually scheduled this time!
I will try calling soon! Sending lots of Arizona sunshine and love your way!
It's these tough times that help us to reflect on our lives and see the blessings. I would say that you are doing things right. You are using this time of trial to see Heavenly Father's hand in your life, notice your blessings and realize that it's up to you to find happiness. See, already you are being made into a stronger person! Remember, "He didn't say it would be easy. He only said it would be worth it". It goes something like that:0)
It's the snow...it makes us all miserable!
Hang in there Breezy! I think that most moms feel exactly the way that you do, I know I do! Being a mom is hard and oftentimes you forget who are. Just remember that you have the most important job that there is and as long as you are trying your best the Lord will make up for the rest.
Beautiful family Breezy!!! You look like your mom!
Hey Breezy,
So, I just spent 15 minutes of googling to find you. Anyway, thanks for the Christmas card. A nice looking family and Ben's the proud Papa. We misplaced the envelope and I have no other way to contact you. NP went into Receivership Jan 20. It's been a real messy deal. 12 hr days for the last 9 weeks. Larry, Nathan, Steve Shepard, Patty, Susan, and myself resigned Feb 1 and went to Tumac. Schenk also came over from Pole. Send us an email with your address. tim_jeana@msn.com
ALL THE BEST
Tim Gustavson
PS - This is probably my first and last blog. LOL
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